blogmas fail

Evidently, it didn't work out. I won't bore you with any lame excuses from my half-hearted ass. Instead, I'm going to attempt to resume normality, although, I'm not sure there ever has been any on this blog. I hope I'm forgiven. See you soon!


winter playlist

Make no mistake, this is not winter themed but just songs I've been listening too this winter. I'm sorry if you came here for Christmas songs. Spotify is now one of life's luxuries that I can't live without. They currently have an offer where you can trial 3 months of their premium service for a grand total of 99p. At that price, it would be rude not to sign up.

This playlist is a work in progress. As and when I hear a new song I like, I'll be adding it to the mix.


my tinder success story

As told in 9 stages. We matched on Tinder and he messaged me first something along the lines of 'you've got to be catfishing me?'. We didn't waste anytime and arranged to meet within a day.

the first date
This was in fact my first date ever. We met in a shitty Spoons but I didn't mind because I love Spoons. Who doesn't!? He greeted me with a handshake which I found strange. I really fancied him, still do obviously. He's ginger and has that kind of smile that melts your heart a little bit. We sat down, he bought me a drink and we got chatting. I don't have anything to compare it too but it seemed like a fairly standard first date. I was quite quiet, I always am. I'm not much of a talker but luckily he was and so there were no memorable awkward pauses. I do remember he spent a lot of time looking behind me at a fruit machine instead of looking directly at me. I put it down to nerves. Apparently, it looked like I wasn't having any fun beacause whilst my date was using the toilet, I was unexpectedly approached by a woman who had been sat having a drink with a group of friends on a nearby table. She looked concerned, asked if I was OK and offered me an exit strategy. I politely declined.

the third date
The Netflix and chill date. I went to his house and was firstly was greeted by a front room full of flatmates. He then attempted to make us a dinner of pasta and packet sauce. I struggle to eat in front of people sometimes and so I only managed a few bites. We watched a film on Netflix from start to finish but I don't remember a single second of it. All I remember was being sat awkwardely cross-legged on his bed not knowing how to behave. As I anticipated a sleepover, I brought my cute little booty shorts and an oversized tee to sleep in. Once the film was over, I hurried to the bathroom to get into my PJs. I was unashmedly very forward in my approach and it is safe to say that the shorts had the desired effect. In case it wasn't glaringly obvious, we slept together for the first time. The sex was not bad. There was potential and that's all that mattered.

the fitfth date
I don't like to relive this one and for reasons that will soon become very apparent, I will keep it short and (not so) sweet. I managed to get us tickets to see Wilkinson who is a drum and bass producer we discovered we both liked. I went over to his for prinks but I'd already started drinking which was my first mistake. We sat on sofas across from eachother and the night began. The next thing I recall is waking up the following morning in his bed and beside me was a trail of my own sick leading to a bowl beside the bed.

will you go out me?
These five little words remind of being back in secondary school. I remember wondering if anyone would ever ask me. They didn't. Until now, that is. He'd planned to ask me at Nando's, the hallmark of quality, although it actually took half a chicken, a of couple of drinks and a bus journey back to mine for him to find the courage to actually ask. I said yes without hesitation. He made it Facebook official and I was not ready for that so much so that I hid it from my profile for a while.  I'm a changed woman now, I now even have his name in my bio.

I love yous exchanged
He said it first. He was drunk at his 20th birthday party. A few weeks later, I said it. I sent him an anonymous message to his Tumblr saying I love you. I know, I'm so cute. We both said it extremely early.

lessons in love
I've never fallen in love with anyone before. I thought I'd be a member of #teamforeveralone, well, forever. I wasn't mad about that either. I love being single. A boyfriend was way out of my comfort zone - I literally didn't know what to do with one. Firstly, it took me ages to feel comfortable referring to him as my boyfriend. It just felt so unnatural to me. Another one of the issues I had was that I didn't know how to show affection. I actually had to turn to Google when he called me out on it. As well as all of that, the time I spent alone had made me quite selfish. All of a sudden I had this whole other person to consider which, to this day, I'm still getting used to. I've since learnt the error of my ways and I think I'm even starting to become one of those good girlfriends you hear about.

The first few times I said I love you, I didn't mean it. I realise that now. I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once (John Green's words, not mine). If I finally understand love quotes, I must be in love, right? For now, I can't say whether I'm really in love or not but it feels like I am. In years to come, I may look back at my naive 22 year-old self, roll my eyes and tut but I also hope that I remember how happy I felt in this moment in time.

the argument(s) that test your relationship
We've had a fair few. We even actually broke up once but it lasted a few days, if that. I won't overshare the intimate details but it so happened that I had an important decision to make. I chose to stay with him and over a year later, I don't ever wonder if I made a mistake. We also thought we'd struggle due to distance like many made in university couples do over the holidays. Luckily, our family homes are separated by only 35 miles, door-to-door, which is less than an hours drive away and an equally short train ride.

happy 1 year
On the 25th of last month, we celebrated being together for an entire year. Initially, I didn't think we'd make it work. I was convinced I was a rebound, thankfully I wasn't. Our one year anniversary was spent eating Domino's. A large one. Each. And there was garlic bread, wedges and cookies. The fact that I can truly be myself and eat such quantities of food around him says a lot and may even be the key to lasting this long. We've also made countless memories that don't involve food. The kind of memories that instantly bring an ear-to-ear smile to your face. The best kind of memories.

our future
Although there is no telling what will happen, I can't wait.


3 etsy shops you need to visit

I'm sure you're all terribly tired of generic gift guides by now and so I'm recommending 3 of my personal favourite Etsy shops that you should visit this Christmas. There you will find

ThumbsDesign is run by a guy called Nick Thompson who is a London based illustrator who produces pop culture inspiried pin badges, prints and stickers. He has a range of mashup series but the Simpsons x Pokémon one is by far my favourite. A unique character is created using one of the original 151 Pokémon combined with one of the Simpsons which is then printed as a sticker or made into a pin badge. There are even matching collectable trading cards. I love these three designs the most: Maude Flanders x Ghastly, Marge x Lapras and Sideshowbob x Exeggcutor. Just imagine how good those stickers would look on a laptop and a backpack always needs another badge. This is one for the geeks.

simpsons x pokemon

Oh gosh, Cindy! by Cindy Lesman is another pop culture illustrator and she uses beautiful watercolours to paint our TV and film favourites on to greeting cards and prints. Cindy also includes a notable quote from each character on each piece. These Friends prints and christmas cards are perfect for any friend who can recite each episode word for word.

Emily Coxhead is 'sprinkling a tiny bit of happiness all over the planet'. She is the creator of The Happy Newspaper which is a newspaper designed to deliver only positive stories about wonderful people and places to your door every few months. In her shop you will also find greeting cards, prints and stationery. Not only does the stationery look beautiful, you just know that each piece is carefully crafted with love. If you have someone in your life who needs some everyday encouragement, one of these notebooks or memo pads would make a welcome addition to their desk. The I hereby solemnly swear that... I will not compare myself to a stranger on Instagram set is equally adorable.


hopes, dreams and wishes

After yesterday's seriously heavy post, here's something light-hearted.

I'm such a day dreamer. I love nothing more than sitting on the bus headed into town and letting my thoughts wander. I usually end in my future and imagining that I've got everything I've ever wanted. Today, I thought I'd share a few of these deepest desires with you. Isn't this the sort of wholesome and heart-warming content Blogmas was made for? I think so.

One day, I hope to have a successful blog. I don't necessarily mean successful in terms of the numbers game but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to gain any recognition. Basically, I just want a blog that I'm proud to link people to. More than anything, I'd like to be producing regular content. That feeling when you visit your own blog and scroll down past posts and posts and posts that you're genuinely pleased with is one that will never get old. I also want to create a brand for my blog, so people know to come to Girl Lost in Transit for X, Y and Z posts. At the moment, I'm not trying very hard to make any blogger friends but I want that to change soon. I need to get my ass into gear and get myself active on Twitter again.

Like a lot of teenage girls, I grew up reading the Confessions of Georgia Nicolson. I fancy myself as a bit of a Louise Rennison. She understood me when no one else did and I want to be that person for someone too. One day, I want to write my very own book series and I know exactly what about.

When I was 17, I got a job as a cater waiter, as they call them in the US. I got paid to serve canapés and champagne to celebrities and royals. I actually saw Charles and Camilla in the flesh. I also got to see Beyoncé perform live from a VIP booth. Another memorable moment, was working at the British headquarters of the Church of Scientology for an annual charity gala. As you can imagine, it was such a surreal experience. Even though my waitressing days are long gone, I fell in love with hospitality. One day, I would love to own my own hotel or inn or B&B. Ramsay's Hotel Hell is a TV fave of mine. I guess you could say that one of my life goals is to own an establishment Gordon Ramsay would be proud of.

My mum moved me and her out to Spain when I was 9. We lived in Benalmádena, a town in Andalucía in the South for a four and a half years. We also spent a lot of time in Málaga which will forever be one of my favourite cities in the world and you can see why from the picture above. One day,  I hope to move back. Even it's just for a few months. I miss it everyday and there's so much of Spain I'm yet to explore. I love the people, I love the lifestyle and I love the language. As you can imagine, the Brexit results left me feeling completely devastated and utterly heartbroken.

A flat like this is all I'm asking for. Wishful thinking, I know. Ever since I was young, I've wanted live on my own but now I understand the realities of renting and why having a roommate is essential, especially in London. One day, I will have my own flat though. One day!


feeling OK is underrrated

Who wants to be normal? I fucking hate that question. Me, actually. I want to be normal. Depression can be insufferable at the best of times. At the worst of times, I feel empty. A whole lot of nothingness.

This post took me days to write. I've spent hours on end figuring out how to transfer the thoughts in my head into words on a screen. I could have easily written a cynical narrative on depression, the vague misery which has plagued my entire existence. Donald Trump has just been crowned (and I use that term loosely) TIME's 2016 Person of the Year and so my negative outlook on life would not be uncalled for. However, I've decided against essentially trash talking myself and instead have found the strength to talk with a degree of optimism because I'm not ready to give up yet.

A few posts ago, I mentioned that I would share my self-care routine so here it is: a step-by-step guide on how to feel OK when you're not.

Get out of bed 
I'm trying this new thing where when I wake up in the morning, I actually get up and out of bed and I try not to get back in until its dark. Most of my down days consist of me refusing to leave my bed whilst I protest in PJs and binge on Gossip Girl. I thought this was a form of self-care. Only a few days ago it came to my attention that this may not actually be good for me. I feel so comfortable in bed though. I feel safe, like no one or nothing can hurt me there. However in reality, neglecting mundane day-to-day activities is unhealthy and potentially dangerous for deepening depression.

Eat a healthy breakfast
I don't mean healthy as in an avocado; a kale, spinach and apple smoothie; or anything green for that matter. On days I do eat breakfast, I often don't even bother making a trip to the kitchen. Instead, I pick up the chocolate and crisps left over from midnight snacking which is followed by a few large gulps of some sort of sugary drink. My new breakfast of choice is simple scrambled eggs and buttery toast. I will also be starting the day with a tall glass of water.

Have a shower
After I take a shower, I feel like a new woman. I love that squeaky clean feeling and there are few greater pleasures in life than freshly shaven legs. The shower is also a place where I can get my thought process on track for a good day ahead. I always reach for a body butter, usually from The Body Shop (Wild Argan Oil is my fave but I'm dying to try Vanilla Chai), post-shower as soft skin is another one of those great pleasures in life that I mentioned earlier.

Get dressed
I seriously struggle with this one. Pyjamas are life but the term look good, feel good isn't just a marketing ploy. Putting on even just a pair leggings and a t-shirt does wonders. When I'm feeling particularly ambitious, I like to put my favourite outfit: a dark grey cord pinafore worn over a blush pink ribbed long-sleeved top and a pair of thick black tights.

Leave my bedroom
At this current moment in time, leaving my house entirely is a huge task. Leaving my bedroom however, is slightly more manageable. I only travel a few feet to my living room. There's a huge set of a french doors which pour floods of light in, instantly brightening my day. Additionally, as Christmas demands, I have a tree up at the moment which serves as a nice little reminder that just the week after next, I will be reunited with my favourite people in the world.

Do household chores
The first thing I do after I'm up and out of bed is to make it, complete with a fluffy throw and pretty cushions. After I've eaten breakfast, I'm make sure the washing-up is gets done immediately. I have a very specific way of washing-up which is strangely satisfying. I tend to wash cutlery first, then plates first, then bowls, then glasses and mugs, then pots and pans and then all the other crap such as Tupperware. Once I get out of the shower, I do laundry. Sometimes that means loading up the machine with the pile making a mess on my bedroom floor and sometimes that means finally putting clothes and whatnot that have been drying for over a week away where they belong. These tasks may seem small but they're extremely effective in making me feel human.

Blog, blog, blog
Blogmas has given me something to do. I spend all day, everyday on my laptop anyway although usually with the intention of doing university work but then I end up feeling shitty when I get fuck all done. A blog post a day has made me feel productive and even accomplished. On top of that, writing is so therapeutic. Fingers crossed I keep it up in 2017 too.

Watch YouTube videos
I also suffer with anxiety and YouTube really helps calm me down. Listening to someone else's voice helps me turn off the voices in my head. I either tune into my favourite daily vloggers or I watch a video which is guaranteed to make me laugh. This video never fails.

Talk to people
When I'm depressed, I often isolate myself and so it's very important for me to stay in touch with the outside world, that being the one that occurs beyond the confines of my flat. Even just texting my best friend about the latest Jane the Virgin episode or sending boyfriends cute selfies with the newest filters on Snapchat. I also try and talk to my mum everyday, just for a a quick hello and catch up.

Listen to music
I have such an eclectic music taste and literally any genre I listen to makes me feel infinitely better. Music gets me out of my head and away from my thoughts. There's also certain songs that I just can't sit down whilst listening to. They force me to get up and dance my troubles away which is always welcome because my lack of physical activity is embarrassing and my body is greatful for any workout it gets.

Go outside 
Last week, I had a couple of people come and view my flat because I'll be moving out soon which actually breaks my heart to think about. Anyway, I went and hid in the park across the road because I couldn't bare to face people that day. I wandered around for a bit to find the least wet bench and sat myself down. For the first 10 minutes, I was non-stop clock-watching but soon enough the fresh air began working its magic. The only good thing about moving out of my student flat back into my family home is that I'll be out everyday to walk my dog, Billy.

Bed before midnight
I've already mentioned how I feel about pyjamas and so you can imagine that bedtime is by far my favourite part of any day. I aim to be asleep by midnight but before I drop off, I always make sure to set an alarm for the follwing morning. Ideally, I'd be free of all distractions however I can never seem to put my phone down and almost always fall asleep with it in my hand. I really want to start reading before bed. I've even got a book on the go at the moment and everytime I do read, I wonder why I don't do it more often.

If I find myself unable to deal with depression and lacking in motivation to live life, these are my go-to steps to helping myself feel OK and to be honest, that's all I want. Feeling OK is so underrated. I have read countless unrealistic self-help posts that only end up making me feel worse about myself. Recently, however, I was introduced to the notion of minimums and maximums of self-care which has completely changed the way way I think.

Check out the two links below to posts which heavily influenced this one:

Self-Care Minimums and Dealing With Depression by The Span of My Hips

Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up by Sinope


dear december,

Please be good to me.

I've just turned 22 and that's way enough trauma for one month, don't you think? I'm officially an adult. A young adult but still an adult nonetheless.

I've also got my first final year deadline in 10 days and I was wondering if you could give me the strength to start it ideally within the next few days. Thanks.

As you know, Christmas is this month and it is no secret that in previous years, I have been a bit of a Scrooge. A non-believer, if you like. This year, however, I have set aside my festive fears and I will be embracing this holiday in all its glory. My little flat has its very own tree complete with baubles, tinsel and fairy lights. There's no lametta though because that stuff freaks me out. Once complete, my living room will be highly instagrammable. I'm even getting a Christmas jumper this year and not even just to prove myself but because I genuinely want one. I have also found myself frequenting the Christmas aisles of M&S because they have the cutest Christmas cards and the best biscuit selection ever. I think I might actually be excited. Just a little.

The last month of the year naturally becomes a time to reflect. I've had an eventful 2016. I look to 2017 with high hopes and a long list of resolutions. Some serious and some not so much:

  • I want to read J.K. Rowling's entire Harry Potter series. After I finish each book, I will watch the corresponding film. Oh, and in case it wasn't obvious, I'm a Hufflepuff. 
  • My lingerie collection needs work. First and foremost, I need to get my boobs measured and fitted into the perfect size bra. I will then of course be hitting Victoria Secret's semi-annual sale.
  • I also want to become the kind of person that always has their nails painted and that has a different colour every week too.

Anyway, thanks for reading what essentially is word vomit disguised a blog post. I hope you are enjoying Blogmas so far! Tomorrow I will be having a heart-to-heart with you guys so it's one you won't want to miss.


i'm feeling 22

Sadly, these aren't my balloons.

This isn't the obligatory X-amount-of-things-I've-learned-by-X-age post because I couldn't think of 22 things. Instead, I will talk you through just a few important life lessons learnt.
if u were a gifted/talented child who grew into an anxious adult w fragile self worth and a perfectionist streak that makes u abandon things if ur not good at them immediately clap ur hands
I saw this on Tumblr and laughed out loud but then kind cried a little inside. Never have I read something that describes me so perfectly. The bane of my life is my inability to get shit done. As you can imagine, it's a daily struggle. The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. At 22, I have finally accepted that I have some issues that I need to work out. I have also learnt that is okay to ask for help and if you need help, you should definitely always ask.

On a somewhat related note, I have learnt to seek medical attention when required and in my case, where mental health matters are concerned. Since the age of about 16, I have lived with depression. However, it was only last month that I made the decision to be treated which came in the form of SSRIs. I have also begun practicing the art of self-care. You can expect a post featuring my step-by-step self-care routine at some point this Blogmas.

As a child of a single mother, I've always had a I'm a strong, independent woman that don't need no man sort of attitude. Whilst I remain firm in the belief that I do not need to be in a relationship to lead a fulfilled life, I have come to the realisation that being in a relationship doesn't make me any less strong or any less independent. I can say that confidently after 1 happy year with my current partner. Don't get me wrong though, I equally loved being single. The one-night stands and the Tinder terrors will also be life-defining experiences.

A few years ago, I looked to people in their 20s in awe. Now as a 20-something year old myself, I am learning that many, me included, put on a facade to appear as though they've got their life together when in reality they haven't. I'm also learning that that's okay, we don't have to have to have it all figured out yet. Or ever.


the best of vlogmas

Christmas is the time where all my favourite YouTubers become daily vloggers. I don'y have an advent calendar this year and so Vlogmas is the next best thing. Here's a lost of who I'm watching and you should be watching too!

I was seriously having withdrawal symptons from her vlogs since Vlogtober ended. Jess inspires me to be a better student. Additionally, her wardrobe is to die for but that's only proved dangerous for my bank account.

Daina and Ahmet
I just love these guys. The way they capture their relationship on-screen is heartwarming. Daina also runs a fashion, beauty and lifestyle channel called Tootsie Time which I'm also subbed to.

Gabriella Lindley
I relate to this girl on so many levels. I wish I could be her friend. She's only kinda doing Vlogmas but she still deserves a mention.

Eva Marisol
I normally only watch British vloggers but I make an exception for Eva. She's the kind of girl that's effortlessly cool and I'm hoping some of that will rub off on me.

Simi is a YouTuber I accidentally came across but I subscribed to instantly. I miss living in London and watching her vlogs is as close as I'm going to get for a long while.

Melanie Murphy
A twist on the traditional Vlogmas but that only makes me all the more excited to tune in. Everyday for 24 days Melanie will upload a video about something she's grateful for. This is the kind of positivity I need in my life.


the girl behind the blog

This tag is designed to fill you in on the intimate details of my life. I am yet to complete the about section of my blog presumably leaving you wondering who I am and what I'm all about, so here goes:

basic stats
Basically, all the boring bits. My name is Ayaan. I turn 22 on Sunday. I was born and raised in London with the exception of a few years where I lived in southern Spain. Currently, I'm living in Sheffield where views like this exist.

photo by By Paolo Margari

what I'm doing with my life
I'm 6 months away from finishing a degree in Geography. University is all consuming.

what I want to be doing with my life
University has sucked all of the life out of me. I want to move back home for a year. I plan to get myself a simple, no pressure min wage job; to enjoy some quality mummy-daughter time; and to write my troubles away here on this very blog. All the while, I can figure out what the hell it actually is that I want to be doing with my life because as it stands, I have no idea.

things I like to do for fun
I spend hours and hours watching vlogs on YouTube of people doing the most mundane tasks because apparently, I find watching others tidy their room strangely satisfying. I teach sex and relationships education to young people through an organisation called Sexpression. The UK currently fails to include anything of the sorts on the national curriculum. I also love a good night out.

the easiest way to make me smile
Food. I'm not fat for no reason, I worked hard to get into this shape. Second to a good night out is the takeaway that follows. I don't have a favourite food. I don't discriminate I like them all except mushrooms because mushrooms are disgusting.

my favourite feel good song
Move On Up by Curtis Mayfield. This song also features in one of my favourite films, Bend it Like Beckham. Go ahead and judge me but it's a classic and you know it. 

a book I can read over and over again
The answer I tell people is We Are All Completely Besides Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler. The real answer is the Diary of a Chav series by Grace Dent.
an experience I want to relive
The few days I spent in Venice. I travelled solo and met my best friend out there. Just look at how happy I was. Check out my instagram to see more of what I got up to.

my biggest regret I hope to get over one day
University: such a shit show. I've been to two different universities as well. I started a degree in Politics at Warwick and I thought I'd make a mistake in the choice of course. With that in mind, I reapplied to study Geography and gained and accepted a place at Sheffield. Another mistake. Despite my realisation, I stayed and now I'm counting down the days until I leave.

a fact about me that often shocks people
I'm a bouncer. I only work at my Students' Union and so the crowds are relatively tame. Most of the time, I'm rescuing girls found semi-conscious in a pool of their own sick and seeing that they get home safely.

my most embarrassing moment I wish I could forget
There is no one standout moment. I get embarrassed daily and my mind does that thing where it chooses to replays these moments on a loop when I'm most unsuspecting.

three blogs I've discovered (and fallen in love with) recently
1. I Want You To Know
2. Cattitude & Co
3. Pie and Fash

Tag, you're it. Yes, you reading this. My blogger friends are non-existent and so I invite anyone who is reading this to give this get-to-know-me tag a go.


my unrealistic christmas wishlist

This year, my family and I aren't really doing pressies. We're all too broke. A girl can still dream though, right?

To pay off my overdraft
A £1500 lump sum deposit into my bank account to reverse the damage of my shocking spending habits.

Canon PowerShot G7X Mark II
There is a vlogger trapped inside me waiting to be set free.

Fenty x Puma by Rihanna Lace Up Backpack // Kendall + Kylie Norman Faux Fur Bag Charm 
My heart did a little flip when I spotted this bag charm on ASOS - it's so freaking cute. Obviously, I'd need a bag special enough to pop it on and this one is just perfect.

christmas wishlist

A holiday to Zakynthos 
I desperately long to be reunited with sun, sea and souvlaki. I love Greece and I'd love to bring my boyfriend along so we can be all cute like these two:

tokidoki x Lovehoney Unicorn Multispeed Massage Wand Vibrator
I literally laughed out loud when I read a review in which someone dubbed this sex toy a 'pleasure pony'. I still want one though.