what's your number?

This post is heavily inspired by Emma from Essays and Wine. She's the kind of girl I follow on social media and wish I was friends with. Emma wrote a post all about how her sex life was just that - hers - and none of anyone else's business. The girl emoji with the X arms comes to mind.

My number has hit double digits although I'm yet to lose count yet. I have forgotten more names than I care to admit though. I lost my virginity when I was 18. I lost it to a fellow virgin and honestly, I think we both just desperate. I don't regret it but I definitely didn't enjoy it. Tragic is the only word that can be used to describe my first time. I'm sure a few of you can relate.

I've only been in one relationship and that's the one I'm in now. Between the person I gave my v-card to and my current partner, I've had several one night stands and a few fuck buddies. I remember one week I had which was rather impressive, at least by my standards anyway. I snogged 6 or so people, I had two one night stands and then I went on my first ever Tinder date which went so well that we're still together over a year later. You can read all about our story here.

Why do I have casual sex? Well, why not? I love sex and there was no way I could have spent the 3 years between my first time and my first boyfriend without sex. And so my only option was to sleep around, as they say. For the most part, it's all fun and games. Although, when people warn you not to sleep with your flatmates, listen to them. I did not and I regretted it for the 6 months until my tenancy was up.

For me, it's simple. Sex is a physical act. Emotions only get involved when I allow them to. I'm cold-hearted by nature and so for me, it's easy. Also, if I've just picked a complete (but cute) stranger from a club, how could I possibly feel anything more? It's likely that I've forgotten what he's called by the time we're in a taxi. Since being in a relationship though, I have learned that sex be both physical and emotional. Sex when you're in love is undoubtedly the best sex I've ever had so I get it. I get why some people hold off until they meet the one.

Now, let's talk politics. I don't like being told I can't do things. A guy at work told me that he doesn't think women are capable of having casual sex. Girls, don't you hate when your hysteria gets in the way? I'm seriously sick of hearing how women are too emotional for this, that and the other. In the words of Stormzy, shut up. Both women AND men may chose to abstain from sex until in a committed relationship because no strings attached sex just doesn't make sense to them and of course, that's perfectly fine. There's no judgment from me but my colleague might have a thing or two to say even though no one asked for his opinion. He is about 50 and I know there's that whole generational gap excuse but bore off, Barry.

Slut-shaming: more misogynistic men (or pricks, as I like to call them) behaving badly. Although, women slut-shame too and I think that saddens me even more. Ms. Norbury said it best:

"You all have got to stop calling each oter sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores."

I'm not ashamed and you should never feel ashamed either. The only time you should feel shame is when you've fucked up, not when you've fucked someone. Unless your fucking someone is fucking up, in other words, cheating. Anyway, as established, shame derives from wrong doing and if you're a woman who has casual sexual partners you're not doing anything wrong.

Lastly, what I get up to behind clothes doors and under the sheets shouldn't be of concern to anyone except the person I'm doing it with.


happy galentine's day

"Every February 13th, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, and we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrating ladies." 

- LESLIE KNOPE, Parks and Recreation

This episode came on a few minutes past midnight only for me to realise that it was actually February 13th today. I told my boyfriend but after an underwhelming response, I thought I'd come on here and share it with people I know will just get it. I love crazy coincidences like that. I only started watching the show a matter of days ago and I have already awarded it binge-worthy status. I'm certain that if February didn't only have 28 days, I would have finished all seven series by the end of the month. I don't even wish I was exaggerating as each episode watched is time very well spent. Leslie Knope has already taught me so much.


the perfect valentine's night in

This is a guide for two types of people: the introverts who love a good night in and the broke ass bitches who can’t afford a night out. I’m both. I want to spend Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend and my boyfriend only anyway, not him and dozens of strangers.

Cocktails are my favourite way to get drunk but when you’re piss poor even Happy Hour deals don’t have your back. No doubt making your own at home will be cheaper but also much more fun. Well, only if they taste nice. VIPXO featured this cocktail making set on one of her eBay wishlists and it’s a complete bargain at £14.99.

I always order a Long Island Iced Tea probably (no, definitely) because it’s the one on the menu with the highest alcohol content. If I was feeling spendy, I’d opt to buy the ingredients for this especially because the leftover tequila can be used to play Battleshots with. If you’ve never had the pleasure of playing Battleshots, it’s literally just Battleships except the ships are replaced with shots. Genius, I know.

diy cocktails

However, because Long Island Iced Tea has 4 different spirits, I think I’ll be opting for a Rumberklaart (recipe above) this year. Not too long ago, I went to Fear X Loathing and I was horrified to see that my cocktail of choice was nowhere to been found on the menu and so I was forced to settle with a Rumberklaart. At least, I thought I was settling but in hindsight, I might have even been upgrading. It was so good that I had 4.

Once you’re nice and tipsy and a game of Truth or Dare has inevitably turned sexual, maybe a massage could be your next move. These Lush Massage Bars are a nice alternative to oils because they’re pretty much just solid moisturiser which means they’re great for solo use too.
Soft Coeur Massage Bar - £4.95
For lovers of sweet smells, this massage bar featuring a familiar, comforting toffee fragrance. We added almond oil to our cocoa butter and shea butter massage bar base to allow this bar to melt quickly on the skin. The honey and cocoa centre will leave the skin smelling delicious. Smooth this sweet-smelling massage bar over the body for deliciously-scented and soft skin.

Love Spell Massage Bar - £5.95
Follow your heart straight to this creamy, Fair Trade, organic cocoa butter bar, filled with rich rose hip syrup and spicy carnation absolute. Fair Trade organic aloe vera gel soothes your blushes while uplifting neroli and organic lemon myrtle takes you to a higher plane. Cast a spell over a skin, or over a partner, with this romantic, floral bar.

Fever Massage Bar - £6.95
Indulge in a bit of floral. Smooth rose absolute-infused Fair Trade organic cocoa and shea butters all over for hydrated, kissable skin. Married with rousing sandalwood oil, it’ll leave you feeling smokin' hot and ready to get-down; this one knows how to treat you right.
This is also a chance to get changed into something less comfortable. If you didn’t get that reference, I mean lingerie. If your massage skills are subpar, lingerie is a great way to distract your partner. If I could I’d spend hundreds on lingerie. Blair Wardorf’s collection is goals but Primark actually has a selection of relatively affordable pieces this year.

Lastly, if music isn’t playing by this point, here is the perfect playlist:


current unhealthy obsessions

This is a glorified favourites post. If you don't obsess unhealthily over something do you even like it? I think not.

What I Wish My Friends Knew by Vix Meldrew
I find it extremely difficult to articulate how depression feels. This blog post does so perfectly. Vix's words on laziness (below) really hit me hard. There's actually a few people in my life who I'm going to be sharing this post with.

"I’m not lazy. One of my favourite phrases is, ‘ugh I just couldn’t be arsed.’ It covers a lot of things – showering, tidying, vacuuming, shopping, eating a decent meal, meeting people, going out, getting up to put something in the bin, going to work, catching up with a friend, taking a phone call or fulfilling a hobby. I want my friends to know that it’s not that I can’t be arsed. It’s that mentally and emotionally I don’t have the energy or brain space for it."

Red Oaks
I first watched Red Oaks about a year ago when I still had the perks of my six-month free Amazon Prime Student subscription. That's long gone now and so I'd sort of forgotten about it until a few days ago. I love Craig Roberts meaning I fancy him. Anyway, he stars in Red Oaks which was enough to make me give it a watch. I kept watching because this 80s coming-of-age comedy is actually pretty entertaining. As my boyfriend would say, it's such a 'me' show.

Waves Crashing on Distant Shores of Time by Clint Mansell
This is on the soundtrack for the Black Mirror episode San Junipero. You know those songs which make you sharply inhale breath when you first hear them? This is one of those. The serenity of this track completely frees my mind of worry. If I had a mindfulness playlist, which I probably should, this would without a doubt feature on it.

Madlove - A Designer Asylum
Last month, I went to visit the exhibition Bedlam: the asylum and beyond at the Wellcome Collection. There was an installation called Madlove - A Designer Asylum and I fell in love with the concept:

"The aim is to build the most crazy, bonkers, mental asylum we dare dream of: a desirable and playful space to ‘go mad’, countering the popular myth that mental illness is dangerous and scary. Together we are attempting to create a unique space where mutual care blossoms, stigma and discrimination are actively challenged, divisions understood, and madness can be experienced in a less painful way."

I will not go into detail here as it deserves a dedicated post which will be up soonish as I've not actually started writing it yet. If you can't wait that long here is a peek at possibly my fave element from the project: My Perfect Day in The Perfect Asylum as told by Wesman. 


to wank or not to wank*

*for lack of a better title. I'm sorry.

I'm going to have to stick to using the proper term of masturbation in this post. Words such as wank sound so bloody vulgar (sorry again for the title) and phrases like 'flick the bean' make me sick in my mouth a little bit from cringing so hard. Anyway, I have encountered several people now that don't feel comfortable with the fact that their partner masturbates. I'm not one of these people and I'm here to tell you why. I've heard numerous reasons as to why people feel this way and I'm here to myth-bust of sorts.

The most common reason I hear is that there should be no need for either party in a relationship to masturbate when they can have sex with each other. I say to that: masturbation and sex are not mutually exclusive. To put it simply, I masturbate because it feels good. I do it when I'm bored, when I'm stressed and also when I'm struggling to sleep. I don't masturbate because I'm lacking anything in my relationship. My partner and I have an above average sex life (yes, I'm bragging). He satisfies me. When I masturbate, it's really nothing to do with my partner. Also, I get horny when my partner is not around. Last summer he went to New Zealand for a few months. Why would I deprive myself of an orgasm for so long? That would be barbaric. In these instances, I'm not masturbating instead of sex. I can guarantee that if my partner was here with me, I would be jumping on him, not on my laptop (which leads me oh so nicely on to my next point).

Another huge factor is where porn is concerned. I've had people tell me they feel insecure thinking about their partner getting off to another person. Firstly, it's inevitable that your partner is going to find other people attractive. When you enter a relationship, that part of your brain that isn't suddenly disabled. For me porn is just a visual aid. When I masturbate, I want to look at something attractive. When I look at porn actors and actresses, for example, I don't compare them to my partner. As I said earlier, masturbation is really nothing to do with them. I don't watch other people and wish my partner looked like them. Not at all, not even in the slightest, ever. As well as that, a lot of the time I'm not even focusing on the people in porn but more on what they're doing. It's the sexual acts that are turning me on. Porn actors and actresses couldn't even come close to my partner. Sure, they might be physically attractive but so is my partner plus so much more.

Masturbation won't be for everybody and that's fair enough. However, shaming your partner for their habits is wrong in my frank opinion. The exploration of your body is, or at least should be, a rite of passage into sexual maturity. What with the female body is so complicated, if I had never masturbated, I might have never known what it takes for me to orgasm and that would have been a tragedy. Additionally, whilst porn sex isn't real sex and believe me, I'm well aware of that, but due to the lack of sex education in the UK I was forced to learn a lot of lessons from it.

I could talk about masturbation forever and so I promise you this won't be my last post on the topic.


5 instagram accounts that changed my life forever

I dread to think how many hours I've spent scrolling through Instagram. I recently went on an unfollowing spree because my feed was filled with a shit tonne of crap. This mini-detox did however get me thinking about the IGs that I do actually love and adore and could never bare to unfollow.

My poor eyebrows have been subject to a number of subpar brow products over the years. Put it this way, gels and powders just should not be put on (my) eyebrows. The Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow Pomade is such a YouTube Made Me Buy It product but actually for good reason this time. I honestly thought an eyebrow pomade was a gimmick, it had to be a joke, I thought to myself. I was so wrong and this product instantly became a holy grail product. Following my purchase, I became mildly obsessed with eyebrows and I followed @anastasiabeverlyhills to get my daily fix. Watching eyebrow transformations is seriously satisfying.

I follow Alyssa for hair and make-up inspiration. We have pretty much the same hair, down to the curl pattern and everything. She does so much more with her hair then I could ever imagine even attempting. Her make-up is flawless as her username suggests. I'm not a massive fan of Instagram make-up but I make an exception for this girl - I could stare at her face forever. I can't tell whether I just have an innocent girl crush on her or whether I actually fancy her.

I am an OG fishie and unashamedly so. I love that Trisha wears whatever she wants and gives no fucks. I aspire to be more like her. This outfit is just too, too cute. I can't deal. Let's ignore the fact that her phone case has a picture of her and him whose name we shall not mention.

A photo posted by trishapaytas (@trishapaytas) on

Liz Climo's illustrations melt my heart. If you need a little light in your life, this is the account for you. Each time I come across one of her posts, I smile without fail. A fun little fact for you: Liz is also an animator for The Simpsons!

A photo posted by Liz Climo (@lizclimo) on

This account is run by Instagram chef, Miguel Barclay. He posts recipes with cost £1 or less such as this crab macaroni cheese. Each recipe honestly just blows my mind. Not only are they ridiculously cheap but they're also so simple and easy to follow. My biggest pet peeve with following recipes is that there's often an ingredient is near impossible to get hold of unless you take a cross-country quest to a farmer's market situated in the Scottish Highlands. Miguel has us covered though, he loves to shop in Lidl and other major supermarkets. He's recently released an entire book dedicated to these recipes which I need in my life.