20.5.18

since I've been gone

This is probably the first (and last) post that I will not introduce with a self-deprecating monologue about how much of a shit blogger I am. I use the term blogger loosely because I'm not sure if you can call yourself one if you don't get paid and, given the quality of my blog, it's very evident that I don't.

Today I will be boring you with a life update. I've been gone for three months and even I'm surprised at myself. This time last year, I never would have imagined that I actually semi had my shit together.

I have become slave to a minimum wage job. I am not destined to work in hospitality and I desperately need a change. And a pay rise. I need something stable that will fund my ASOS addiction.

Despite my outrageous(ly low) salary, I manage to scrape together enough each month to rent myself a modest sized room in Zone 3. I live with four boys and sometimes they don't flush the toilet after they pee but I still like them so far.

I went to a university open day because apparently dropping out twice already hasn't taught me anything. Third time lucky, I hope.

I've downloaded Tinder again but I will be doing things differently this time. By that, I mean I haven't jumped into a relationship with the first person I met. Which, in all fairness, did actually work out pretty well for me last time. The best way I can define what I'm looking for is: if I'm unable to respond to at least one of Oloni's infamous ladies, let's have some fun threads then I'm doing something seriously wrong.

I may not be financially stable but I am mentally stable. Most days, at least. I have even been given a repeat prescription of my meds. I'm now certified crazy.

I'm no longer waiting. I got bored. I was always 10 steps ahead. I constantly thought about the future. I was a childhood overachiever which unfortunately led into a dangerous obsession with being perfect. Every decision I made had to be the right one. Julie Cameron, a woman I had no idea existed until I googled perfectionism quotes, once described perfectionism as "a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough - that we should try again". And basically, fuck that. I'm out for good. 

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