new year, no pressure

Right? Wrong.

Barely over one week in and I'm already struggling.

I won't be sharing my New Year's resolutions with anyone but my best friend. Not because they're particularly interesting but because they're just deeply personal and also because I don't want the shame of having them published online for my 50 odd followers to see when I (inevitably) won't achieve most of them. I should probably add 'less self-deprecating' to that list.

On a more positive note, for the first year in at least 5 years, I started 2018 with mental stability. I have been on antidepressants for a good few months now and they have dramatically changed my life. A blog post all about my story will be up one day. Hopefully soon although realistically it might be never. I also started the New Year in my bed desperately needing a wee. I fell asleep before midnight midway through a bar of Galaxy which ended up underneath me, therefore melting from my body heat and smeared everywhere to look a lot like I had shit the bed. I sure hope this doesn't become a trend in upcoming years.

In true blogger style, here is a well overdue update that you never asked for. I dropped out of university for the second time. This time in my final year which was really, really rough. I had a few pretty serious breakdowns which led me to the medication which I mentioned earlier. I started CBT therapy but quickly left when I realised it wasn't what I needed. I just need some good old fashioned counselling where I can pour my heart out. I moved back in with my mum and dog, Billy. My first love and I broke up last year. I cried and cried until I had no tears left and yet I'm still healing. I got a new job. A full-time one with an annual salary like a proper adult. I work on the front desk at a hotel. I secretly love it but don't tell anyone. I have to stay on trend and join in with the millennial droll of hating work.

This blog post has no real purpose except to get the ball rolling after a long ass hiatus. I wasn't sure what to write, I just knew I had to write something. This is what came out and I'm not mad at it. Hopefully this isn't my first and last post of the year and I'll see you in a week or so.

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